he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The air was thick with penises
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
