i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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