i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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