Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
It was confusing and full of hummus
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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