cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
