Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
