I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
