history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
