Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Small penises have feelings too.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
