Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
soo... how was my night?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
