hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
