you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
