I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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