Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
