I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
