I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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