I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
