He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
