Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
