And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
