dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
