I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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