I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
