remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
