All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
