kristin has been a bad kristin
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
