Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
