I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
