i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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