I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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