update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
All I want is dick and wine.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
that is very illegal...i love you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
