I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
