I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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