There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
