i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
