I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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