try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
