Apparently you make a good broom.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I forgot how hot balto sounded
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
