the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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