I got chris browned last night
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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