I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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