I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
