party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
