We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
