my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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