after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
