We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
