Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
