I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I want to stick my p in your. b.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just puked most of my soul out..
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
