I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
last night I used snow as a chaser
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
